Ellie Musson Hypnotherapy

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The Power of Selectivity: Choosing Your Habits, Choosing Your Tribe

In the journey of personal growth and self-improvement, we often hear about the significance of forming good habits. But what about the role of the people around us in this process? The truth is, the company we keep can profoundly influence the habits we adopt and sustain.

In his ground-breaking book "Atomic Habits," James Clear emphasises the crucial link between our social circle and our habits, highlighting why it's vital to be selective about who we surround ourselves with when striving for positive change.

Clear suggests that our habits are deeply intertwined with our sense of self and the communities we identify with. Therefore, when we aim to cultivate new habits or break old ones, we're essentially seeking to align our actions with our desired identity.

Consider this: if you aspire to lead a healthier lifestyle, surrounding yourself with friends who prioritize fitness and nutritious eating makes it easier to adopt similar habits. Conversely, if you spend time with individuals who indulge in unhealthy behaviours, you may find it challenging to resist temptation and stay on track with your goals.

Our social environment not only influences the habits we adopt but also impacts our commitment to them. When we associate with people who share our values and goals, we're more likely to receive encouragement, accountability, and support. Conversely, toxic or unsupportive relationships can sabotage our efforts, leading to self-doubt and discouragement.

Clear introduces the concept of the "proximity effect," which suggests that we tend to imitate the habits of those closest to us. Whether it's conscious or subconscious, we often mirror the behaviours of our peers, co-workers, and family members. Therefore, surrounding ourselves with individuals who embody the habits we aspire to cultivate increases the likelihood of success.

Furthermore, our social circles serve as a feedback loop for our habits. When we receive positive reinforcement and acknowledgment from our peers for practicing desirable behaviours, it strengthens our commitment to those habits. Conversely, negative feedback or lack of validation can undermine our motivation and perseverance.

Let me be clear: being choosy about who we associate with is not about elitism or exclusion; it's about prioritising our growth and well-being. Just as we carefully select the foods we consume and the activities we engage in, we should be discerning about the company we keep. By surrounding ourselves with people who uplift, inspire, and challenge us to become our best selves, we create an environment conducive to positive habits and personal transformation.

So, how can we apply these insights from "Atomic Habits" to our lives?

  1. Consciously Curate Your Social Circle: Evaluate the influence of your current relationships on your habits and overall well-being. Seek out individuals who embody the qualities and habits you aspire to develop.

  2. Seek Accountability Partners: Forming accountability partnerships or joining supportive communities can enhance your commitment to new habits. Share your goals with trusted friends or mentors who can offer encouragement and hold you accountable.

  3. Set Boundaries: Recognise when certain relationships or environments are detrimental to your growth and set boundaries accordingly. Surround yourself with positivity and encouragement, and minimize exposure to negativity and distractions.

  4. Lead by Example: Be mindful of the influence you have on others within your social circle. By embodying the habits and values you wish to promote, you can inspire and empower those around you to pursue their own personal growth journeys.

In conclusion, the company we keep profoundly shapes our habits, attitudes, and ultimately, our lives. By intentionally selecting our social circle and fostering supportive relationships, we empower ourselves to cultivate positive habits and thrive in our pursuit of personal growth. As James Clear aptly puts it, "You do not rise to the level of your goals. You fall to the level of your systems. Your goal is your desired outcome. Your system is the collection of daily habits that will get you there." So, let's choose our habits wisely, and let's choose our tribe even more wisely.